NAAZ

If I’d have to be truly honest, I’m not sure if particularly I understand what culture means to me. I mean, of course I’ve looked it up - google says that culture is the social behaviour and norms found in human societies. However, growing up in a middle eastern (Kurdish) household that’s based in a western country (The Netherlands), I’ve always been surrounded by a very diverse mixture of norms and social behaviour. So when I turned 20 and found my freedom as a Kurdish girl who had grown up with very strict parents, I started to feel truly confused over what I consider to be MY norms, MY beliefs, MY lifestyle - rather than the ones I’d been taught by my family, friends and, I guess, culture.

If I were to live by a mix of all the different norms I’ve found out about in my life, all originating from different places, would that mean that I’m creating a culture of my own? Or is that not really what culture is about? Would I have to be part of a society with the same or at least similar norms in order to have culture? If so, then I already feel left out of the term as I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere.

When I’m at home, I live by my Kurdish family’s rules, I don’t speak my opinions as much, in fact, I try to keep my mouth shut most of the time. The reason why is because I know that my beliefs could not befriend my parents’ norms like they once did when as a child. These days, I’m actively not being myself when I’m at home, to respect my family’s culture, as I’m so aware of how little I fit in with the culture. However, does that mean I lack self respect? To lose myself entirely, in the moment, for the happiness of others? Or am I just protecting myself from their judgment, as a form of self care? Maybe I just love my parents and I don’t want to do them any harm by exposing my actual way of life. Outside, I’m so honest and so much myself, that it almost feels like a mental compromise for all the shame I feel when I fake who I am at home. Freedom is all I ever wanted, I have it outside now. I travel a lot, however, whether I’m walking in the streets of my home country in The Netherlands, or for instance, right now in Paris where I’m staying for a few days, I notice how I never really care about exploring the different cultures I get access to with every new country I visit. All I ever really pay attention to, is how nice the people I run into come across as. Kindness to me is the most memorable impression someone could grant me.

Maybe one day I’ll 100% know what my culture is to me. For now, coming where I come from, and now being surrounded by so many more cultures, the whole word ‘culture’ to me is one big ball of confusion and questions. It makes me wonder where I belong, whether I’m a Kurdish girl, or a Dutch girl. Or half Kurdish and half Dutch even though both my parents are Kurdish. Is it ok if it doesn’t matter to me?

My culture is just being human, and I think that’s beautiful.

NAAZ CREDITS

PHOTO: EVA PENTEL

GLAM: LUCY THOMAS

STYLIST: KIERA LIBERATI